From hate to love
by Ferowyn
Summary: Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt: Since they were younger Fili and Kili were always fighting and their mother didn't know what to do about it. Thorin has enough of their fighting and sends them on an adventure. Alone. Right before the one concerning the hobbit. WARNING: Incest


_Prompt: we all had possesive Kili or Fili and tender Kili/Fili etc.  
Now I'd like to see them both hating the hell out of each other. Since they were younger they were always fighting and their mother didn't know what to do about it.  
I always wondered why Kili and Fili didn't arrive at bag end with Thorin, soooo, I thought that maybe Thorin had enough of their fighting and sent them on an adventure. Alone. Right before the one concerning the hobbit.  
I'd like to read something that makes them realise that they hated each other so much because they knew it would be wrong to love each other. Something like that. or something else... surprise me!  
Bonus points if you include a scene in bag end with Thorin, who's glad it worked.  
I'd love you forever! And I hope that prompt hasn't been made yet..._

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Yes, I know, it's a little illogical. Sorry for that

**From hate to love**

He hates him. There is nothing and nobody in this world he hates more than his brother (well, except maybe Smaug and broccoli), nothing and nobody is able to make him _that_ furious. It really does not make any difference what the other one says, for he will understand it in the worst way possible. And react. Kili grinds his teeth and decides to think about something else, preferably something pleasant, but – as usually – his brother is in his thoughts, on his mind, all the time. This permanent unwanted presence of the blond dwarf, even when he is not around in person, is driving him to insanity, but there is not really anything he can do against it, is there?

He tries to avoid him, tries to distract himself, but all his attempts to banish Fili from his thoughts are futile and, after so many years, he is slowly getting used to it.

Their relationship has not always been like this, he remembers, though the memory is dark and blurry. As children they had been inseparable, best friends and more, and although Kili likes to ignore it, he has not forgotten that – back then – he would have done anything for his brother. He often happens to think about that one conversation he had been eavesdropping on, for the memory and the questions that it raised are as persistent as the image of his brother, always at the back of his mind. He had overheard his mother talk to his uncle, and he remembers the worry in her voice as if it had been yesterday. He had only understood part of what had been said, the noise of the nearby forge drowning half of their sentences. His uncle had grumbled (the king having been all bright and happy, as usual) something about their exceptionally close relationship and how that could have changed so drastically in such a short amount of time (it is really strange to think of him and his brother as being _exceptionally close_) and his mother had answered that she had a pretty clear idea what had been the cause. She had then explained it to her brother but Kili had only been able to hear bits and pieces that made no sense.

He also remembers clearly why he had not left when he had heard his mother and uncle talk, standing just around the corner, no matter how hard he tries to suppress it.

Without warning Fili had started to be mean overnight, mocking and defaming him like Kili had made some terrible mistake. He cannot forget the hurt and incomprehension and the nights he had spent lying awake, trying to figure out what it was that he had done wrong. Finally he had started to hate his brother back, for hating Fili was easier than hating himself, bickering was easier than talking and sneering was easier than crying.

It is hard to imagine now that his brother has once meant so much to him, that they had not been able to go for more than two days without each other. There is one thing he has to admit, though – nobody can raise such strong emotions in him as Fili can, be they positive or negative.

oOo

Fili cannot help but feel a tiny little bit of regret whenever he looks at his brother. He knows that it is his fault Kili has gone cold. His younger brother had been a merry child, always grinning, always a cheeky remark on his lips, always a prank at the back of his head. Now his face is mostly blank (except for the hours he spends fighting with him, then his cheeks are burning and his eyes are sparkling dangerously) and Fili has not heard his brother tell a joke in a very long time.

He would never admit this to anyone, not even to himself, but he misses the person Kili has stopped to be and he feels guilty about it. He knows that he has started this fight, has started this hatred. He is a really good liar – he can lie to Kili about _anything_, from ridiculing his archery skills to scoffing at his lack of a proper beard – but lying to himself has never worked. No matter how much he tries to persuade himself, a traitorous part of his brain is always whispering that by now the only reason he is provoking his brother is to see that he still has emotions, that he is still feeling. That he, Fili, is still able to banish this scary emptiness from Kili's eyes, even if it is only for a short amount of time.

oOo

Kili, who has buried himself in his books, looks up when he hears somebody enter the library. He loves reading, for losing himself in a foreign world, in someone else's life, is the only way of getting Fili out of his thoughts for a little while. He smiles, rises. "Uncle!" he greets. "Can I help you?"

A fond smile flashes over Thorin's face. "Yes, indeed. I have sent your brother" immediately Kili's face darkens "to spread word that we are going to reclaim Erebor. It is too dangerous for him to go alone, thus I want you to accompany him."

He is torn between complaining and bursting with curiosity. The curiosity wins. "We are going to fight the dragon? Isn't it too dangerous?"

"It is dangerous indeed, but Oin has read the signs, and others will have seen them too. Maybe Erebor's treasure is unprotected and if we don't reclaim it, somebody else will. Imagine your family's legacy in the hands of the bloody elves!"

Kili raises an eyebrow "Wouldn't want that to happen. But- uncle, do I _have_ to go with Fili? Is there nothing else I can do to help?"

Thorin knits his brows. "You _will _accompany your brother and you _will _protect him if need be!" He sighs heavily. "I need you to inform the dwarves in the Iron Hills about our plan and you must make sure that nobody else finds out. _Nobody_. Understood?"

Kili grinds his teeth "Of course. May I ask why you don't go yourself?"

"There is still a lot to be arranged, problems that need me here. I will follow you as soon as I have prepared everything else. Gandalf the Grey, who will come with me on my way to Erebor, has let me know he has found a burglar in the Shire. I want you to inform Dain and give him some time to think about the matter, thus you will leave the Iron Hills as soon as you have accomplished this task and set out for the Shire. I shall meet you there as soon as I have talked to Dain. Gandalf will mark the door of the place where we shall meet." He is about to leave the room when he turns around again, looks at his nephew with a stern expression. "After this meeting we will set out for Erebor. If you and Fili have not found a way to behave yourselves until then our ways will part at the Shire."

oOo

Fili is swearing under his breath. They have left Ered Luin six days ago and neither of them has spoken a word ever since. The silence is heavy and uncomfortable and Fili cannot help but steal glances at his brother ever so often. He is tired – tired of the silence, tired of the fights, tired of the hate.

The nights are long and cold and sleep makes itself scarce. Often they do not dare to light a fire in order to draw no attention to themselves. He has heard the orcs, hears them nearly every night, but he does not suggest that one of them sleeps and the other one keeps guard for that would mean he were the one to break the silence, the first to speak, and he is definitely not planning to cave in. Besides, he cannot sleep anyways, so there is no need for Kili to keep himself awake.

oOo

Kili is exhausted. He has not slept a wink since their departure, always only too aware of his brother's presence and his hatred. Every time their eyes meet coincidentally he sees the anger and the hate in those piercing orbs that have not shown any other feeling towards him for such a long time and every time he is reminded of Fili's hatred he wants to throw up.

He knows he will not be able to stand this much longer. They have almost reached the Iron Hills and he has gone without sleep for too many nights, but his pride is stronger than the exhaustion.

Only when he is almost falling off pony he speaks up. "Can we… stop?" He sees the surprise and the short flash of something that might be worry before Fili nods sharply and dismounts his pony.

"We can stay here."

Kili slides down and does not bother to move any more than necessary as soon as his legs touch the floor, simply lies down and closes his eyes. Sleep still does not release him from his sorrows, though, and when Fili, who has left to fetch some water from a nearby stream, returns he is openly concerned. "Are you okay?"

And Kili breaks down. He tries to gulp back the tears, however, soon his shoulders are shaking. He coils himself up, trying to hide his emotional outburst, but in vain.

"Kili? Kili!" His brother seems to be close to panicking, but he cannot care about that now, he is too caught up in his ridiculous attempts to pull himself back together.

A heavy hand touches his shoulders, cautiously, and only minutes later he is being pulled up, pressed against an upper body that has become broader since he has touched it the last time. Fili is murmuring into his ear, probably trying to soothe him, but he does not understand a word. All he can do is cling to his brother's shirt and he is never, _never_ going to let go of him again.

oOo

Fili presses Kili against his breast, trying to comfort him. He feels his heart beat way too fast, partially because he is greatly worried – what has happened to his proud, self-confident brother? – and partially because of something he does not want, does not dare to think about.

It takes a very long time until Kili's sobs start to subside. Fili is about to relinquish his grip when he realizes his brother is still clinging to his shirt. His knuckles are white and his fingers clenched. "Kili", Fili murmurs "look at me!"

Kili only shakes his head.

He raises an eyebrow "Why not?"

The younger one tenses. "Because… then you are going to let go and everything will be like before." He sounds miserably.

oOo

Kili does not dare to look at his brother, because he fears, he _knows_, that the concern will be gone and all he will be able to see in Fili's eyes will be the well-known hatred.

Fili, whose arms are still wrapped around his shoulders, removes one hand and Kili is on the verge of tears once more when he suddenly feels fingers underneath his chin, lifting it. He closes his eyes, unwilling to let go of this wonderful moment just yet, but opens them wide when he hears a low chuckle. "Am I _that_ ugly to look at?" And there is no hatred convulsing the older one's features, no taunt or scoff, only amusement and still a great amount of worry.

Kili's breath is taken away when he realizes how beautiful his brother truly is with all those negative emotions gone. He cannot look away, cannot take his eyes off of him. Fili smiles tentatively and his lips catch Kili's gaze and suddenly all the memories he has buried so deeply are there, images of a happy Fili, grinning, breeding mischief and he wants to cry, because he is back, his brother is back, when he is interrupted by a pair of lips against his own. He feels Fili tense, try to pull back and he does not know how it really happens, but suddenly his hands are in his brother's hair, his legs wrapped around the older ones waist and, oh, this feels right, so utterly _perfect_, that his head is spinning.

oOo

When they stop kissing Kili puts his head on Fili's shoulder, their arms still wrapped around each other. It is getting dark by now, but they do not move, perfectly happy with their current position, even if Fili's feet are starting to deaden. The older one leans his head against Kili's and sighs contently. "What are we going to do?"

"I'm not planning to let go of you ever again", Kili mumbles and maybe he cannot see Fili's smile, but he feels his brother's arms tighten.

"Sounds great", the older one replies and starts to stroke Kili's hair. It does not take long until the black-haired dwarf – finally – falls asleep. Hearing his breath slow down Fili carefully manoeuvres his brother's head onto his lap. He covers the sleeping body with a blanket and guards the younger one's sleep until the rising urges them to move on.

oOo

They are already on their way to the Shire, having left the Iron Hills a few days ago, when Kili finally dares to ask what has been weighing heavily on his mind for so many years: "Why did you suddenly start to hate me so much?"

Fili only looks at him, not saying anything for a few minutes. Finally he sighs. "I… dreamed. About you." He blushes "And when I woke up everything was different. Suddenly my heart would start to race every time I looked at you. I was fascinated by the way your lips curved when you smiled or the line of your hip. I found I could no longer look you in the eye without blushing und you were _everywhere_. Around me, in my life and especially on my mind. I did not know how to deal with these feelings and, frankly, I was scared. I did not want to know what exactly it was that made me feel so strangely and I was terrified you would find out. I figured offence was the best defence and, well… you know the rest."

Kili is incredibly relieved. "So it was not my fault. I couldn't stop wondering what I had done wrong, but I never had an idea what it could have been…"

Suddenly Fili looks incredibly guilty. "I'm _so_ sorry! I never… I never thought of that. Please forgive me for troubling you that much!"

The younger one smiles affectionately. "You think I would spend so much time kissing you if I hadn't forgiven you already?"

The blond dwarf exhales slowly. "Thanks." He gulps. "I'm also sorry for… I know it's my fault that you stopped to smile and that you became so serious. I never forgave myself for doing that to you."

Kili's eyes are sparkling. "Then we shall start to play pranks again, don't you think so? This journey to Erebor is going to be long and most likely dark, so everybody will enjoy a good laugh."

Fili smiles thankfully and for a few minutes they ride in silence, until Kili speaks up again.

"You think we will ever be as close as back then?"

"Much closer!" Fili promises.

oOo

Fili has no idea how to tell his uncle. They are not supposed to be in a romantic relationship – they are _brothers_ in Durin's name! – and he cannot imagine that Thorin will be happy when he finds out whom his nephew and heir has fallen for.

Well, he need not have worried, for the second Thorin sees them at the table in Master Baggins' house, sitting close to each other, his eyes sparkle and he winks.

Later, when they are lying down for the night, making themselves comfortable in the hobbit hole (every single one of the dwarfs being used to sleeping on the floor), the king chooses to lie down next to them in front of the fireplace. The corners of his mouth are twitching when he sees the way Fili has curled up around his brother (having figured their uncle knows about their relationship anyway) and he mutters "I see you have reconciled", sounding unbelievably smug.


End file.
